retreating

As many of you know, Christopher is spending this month at a writers' retreat in northern Vermont. I am spending the same amount of time here, in Brooklyn.

He has been up there a week, and though we have spoken on the phone every day I have to confess that I'm not 100% sure what it's like up there. My impression is that it's very remote, but that there is a coffee shop in town (which is very important) and that the general feel of the place is a little new age-spiritual. His writing room looks out over a river. He is getting a lot of work done, which really is more important than anything.

Finding the space to do his writing is key. It is so easy to get distracted here: the apartment needs work, I need attention, Dinah demands petting. Nevermind the laundry or the dishes or whatever else one can find to do instead of being creative. That said, it was a difficult parting when we each got on our separate buses and went in opposite directions. We haven't been apart for so long since we've met. The last time we were apart was last June, when he went to Alaska and I was putting my apartment on the market. It was extremely stressful.

This time is different. I am designing a simple set for some very friendly folks and I find am finding the quietness at home calming. I have to remind myself that this is ok, that we don't have to be in the same room with each other at all times in order to love each other. We can enjoy our time apart and not feel guilty for that. It doesn't mean that we love each other any less, or that we will resent each other when we are back together. This is only for now and it's ok. At the same time, I need to make this solitude productive. When I get home, all I want to do is hang out with the cat, knit and veg. I am letting myself do this for now, until my play opens. And after that I will make myself draw after dinner, because that is the point of my retreat. There is no point in retreating if one has no discipline.