You may have noticed that there is a LARGE gap in posts. I posted sporadically last summer, and then not at all until this week.
Things have shifted a lot since Eamon was born. Yes, I am married to the same man and live in the same apartment, but I don't do the same things from day to day. Theater has been my passion for many, many years. I still love it, but I don't know how to continue working in it when the pay wouldn't cover child care and the hours are long. More than anything, I want to be there for my son. Theater not only would take me away, but it wouldn't help me provide for him.
Last August, confused about what to do with my life, I went to a career development workshop that my alma mater was hosting for moms looking to start working again. I had been working 1 day per week since Jan 2011 and I had designed the set for a show, but I didn't feel like I had a career or focus anymore.
The workshop enabled me to see what skills I had and how I could best use them, and in late September I launched my new business, Eliza's Eye Family Photography. The business took up every spare moment I had in the fall, between figuring out how to run it, doing shoots, retouching photos and whatnot - all during Eamon's naps and after he is in bed or when Christopher could watch him. Now that the logistics of the business have been more or less figured out (though of course there is always room to grow), I feel a little more able to knit and read blogs and whatever else I did before. And so I am back.
I'm not sure where this blog will go, or if I will continue it for long. But it might be fun to see where it takes me...
It is a cliche, but Eamon changes daily. Everything about him shifts. I blink and it is all different. His hair color (brown to blonde to maybe going brown again). His vocabulary and intonation (apparently any day now he will begin to speak in actual words). And toys and books.
We have hand me downs from both Christopher's sister's kids and Christopher's cousin's kids, and we have received gifts on top of that. We have a lot of stuff. Toys oozing out of boxes, books falling off of shelves. Somehow it never seems like enough; Eamon tires quickly of Toy A and suddenly he will only play with Toy M. I put things away and rotate them, which seems to keep things somewhat interesting, but it is always a game of catch up.
For a little while now I have been thinking that it might be interesting to record Eamon's favorite books and toys on the blog every month. Since he just celebrated his 18 month birthday, I thought I'd start now and try to post around this time every month. Hopefully this won't become a chore, but will show an evolution of a child's interests. (Full disclosure: I have linked to amazon.com and they will give me money if you buy a product I link to. That is not the #1 reason I am linking there, but I thought I should be up front about that. My reason for writing this is that I think it will be interesting, not because amazon will pay me. And I hope I present it that way, too.)
So, first off:
Books.
Eamon loves books. We are big fans of the Priddy books - they have fantastic pictures of objects and animals and children and they are really great for little people who are learning words. We have a ton of these books.
But since I am focussing on the absolute favorite RIGHT NOW, I would choose Tremendous Tractors.
Eamon has been obsessed with tractors (and lawn mowers) since he got to ride on my dad's tractor (and mower) in Maine.
He still wears his headphones to the playground in memory of the mower.
Yes, this is a picture from June when we were in Maine, but you can see how he loves his headphones.
This book, which I bought recently on, ahem, amazon, is the perfect book for a toddler who loves tractors. There is a rabbit, a chicken (I think it's a chicken) and a mouse who show just how tractors are used. They mow. They plow. They seed. They even haul around some pumpkins. The pictures are beautifully drawn and there are other things to look at too, like the trees next to the field they are mowing. Eamon is particularly interested in showing me the door handle on the tractor on each page.
Eamon is also very interested in photo albums right now. My iPad has a bunch of photos (mostly of him) and some videos, and we also have a few hard copy photo albums, and one of his favorite things is to look at them. It is fun (though I admit it is getting tiring) to show him each family member and himself when he was a baby. He is clearly storing up who all of these people are and learning names. He also points at tiny things you wouldn't notice, like the out of focus, obscured dog in the background, and does the dog sign. Oh, to know what he is thinking!
Toys
To accompany his tractor book, Eamon has a tractor toy.
Amazon is telling me that this is a flashlight, which I honestly think is a bit of a stretch. We got it as a hand me down from Christopher's cousin's kids. If you squeeze the red part, the hood pops up, it makes a revving noise and a light goes on. If you let go of the handle, it closes and the light goes off.
Things Eamon likes about this: he has mastered squeezing the handle, which took some learning. The noise is fun (and not too loud for Mom to be annoyed by it). And it looks a little like a tractor. It also rolls easily, which is a bonus. He likes to roll things these days. I'm not sure he's noticed that there is a flashlight component to the toy, which is fine with me.
Construction vehicles are a close second to the tractors, and we end up watching a lot of YouTube videos such as this:
Every day Eamon does something new and interesting: filling containers instead of just emptying them, adding a new sound to his babble, picking out what clothes he wants to wear (that was a surprise) or handing out leaves to the other babies at the playground. They are small advances, but through them we see a person emerging, which is very exciting.
With each new activity, an old one - something I thought he'd do forever -vanishes. And so does my memory of it. Did he ever really wiggle his little fists like other newborns? Was there a time when he couldn't turn over, or lift up his head? Remember when I thought he would never crawl, and when we were in awe of another baby who could pull himself up to stand?
Parenthood does go very quickly, and the memories fade quickly because there is no time to sit down and think about them. You are always living in the present.
Enter the video camera. I have been taking videos - a few minutes each week - since Eamon was born. It is VERY strange to watch the videos, to see Eamon slowly evolve from little worm to someone more upright, someone with a clear opinion who is able to demonstrate many of his needs.
Today I figured out how to download the video onto my computer. I know, I know. Eamon is nearly 14 months old. You would think a grandparent would have wanted to see him in action before now. I learned how to download the video, because I feel like the grandparents deserve to share us in celebrating this milestone:
Walking!
Yeah, this isn't the greatest video, but you can't be choosy about the light and whatnot when you are filming something on the spur of the moment. Also, our floorboards sound sort of like a pig's snort. nice.
To be honest, he did not take his first steps today. He took a few hesitant steps on March 22, and has bridged small distances daily since then. But after a few weeks of trying to carry large objects while crawling, he gave in and saw the advantages to going a little bit further on his two feet.
Every month or two, my mother appears with some age appropriate object for Eamon. The object generally comes from a trunk, and it sometimes looks familiar to me. Some of the objects have a story, though vague.
A sweater knit by my grandmother - or was it my great-grandmother? - for my mother's younger sister.
Booties knit by my grandmother - for whom?? - using yarn mixed with raw wool from her sheep.
Though I am a believer in using hand me downs, and heirlooms in general, there is something anxiety producing about putting a newborn in a tiny sweater that is over 60 years old. Yeah, Eamon never wore it. And I think he might have worn those wacky, sheepy booties maybe once.
When my parents came up for Eamon's birthday, they brought another heirloom, though one slightly newer. Here it is when it was brand new, 35 years ago.
Yeah, that is me.
A few other kids have used this rocking horse since my father made it for me all those years ago. When I had it, it was painted a solid orange color. Since then it has been repainted and had a real horsehair tail attached.
Eamon loves it. He can't get on it by himself yet, but he stands next to it and grunts excitedly until we put him on. And then he rocks, so proud of himself. And tonight, when we were reading a book that had a picture of a horse, he turned and pointed at the rocking horse. (he is a genius! Let me tell you!)
Please excuse the mess!
This an heirloom I am not afraid of breaking; this is an heirloom for using.
I have been thinking a bit about this blog recently. This started as a place to chat about our renovations, and my knitting, and for me to muse about my thoughts on this or that. Though some of it is very personal, and all of it is based on my life, I have tried to keep a distance from the details.
I'm realizing that what I want to write about now is Eamon. Not really just about him, but about my thoughts on life and parenthood, and how his existence is changing my priorities and shifting my focus. I'd like to write about choices we've made, or things we are contemplating. I guess I want to make this more of a parenting blog. One of many, I know. Though before this was one of many knitting blogs, so I'm not sure what the difference is.
I'll still post about my knitting and my crafts and things that interest me, but I'll probably write more posts like that one about legwarmers, or the one about cloth diapers. And maybe there will be more to read, too!
Eamon was born a year ago today. At just about this time last year, I was settling in and trying to get some sleep, the first in about 36 hours. Though the maternity floor was quiet and I was exhausted, it was not easy to fall asleep. There next to me, in a clear plastic bassinet, lay a little baby with dark eyes. I couldn't stop looking at him, and I felt like he was watching me. He didn't seem tired, just curious about where he was and what was going on.
Meeting your child is such an abstract and huge and wondrous thing; it is hard to describe. I also imagine it is completely different for each parent, and for each parent's child.
I had long wondered what my child would be like: his coloring, his features, his personality. I think one of the first things I thought after his birth was, "Holy s**t! I am going to know this person for the rest of my life!" (Or that is the hope anyway.) And combined with all of that was, "I am going to raise this little thing. I am going to nurture him. I am going to know him very, very well. And love him. But I don't even know who he is!"
And so that first night I couldn't stop watching him, his little face in the darkness, as he watched me. Eventually I (guiltily) sent him to the nursery for a few hours just so I could relax and get some rest.
A year later I know him better, but each day brings something new. I am amazed at how much he has changed in a year. From a wiggly little being he has become a small boy. He makes sounds, some of which could be words ("da," "dag," "dat," "duk."), and he understands some of what we say. He can crawl quickly, and pulls himself to stand. His personality has begun to emerge, and I see an observant and friendly (though slightly shy) child with a sense of humor and an interest in everything around him.My life today barely resembles the life I had on February 12, 2010, and it took awhile to reconcile that, to rearrange my expectations. Having a baby immediately immerses you in everything Baby - feeding it, changing diapers, getting it to sleep, trying to sneak some naps for oneself, wondering when you will cook again, let alone take a shower or go back to work. I ended up being laid off shortly after Eamon was born, and so the past year has meant being more of a full-time mom than I expected to be. I was assured that I would get my life (and body) back after about a year, and that was true; slowly things have shifted to a place where I feel more in control. Once again I am designing for theater and I feel energized by my knitting and crafts. Eamon's naps are such that I can do some work during them now, and we are both more comfortable spending time apart.
Where does this bring me? It has been a transformative year, a year full of learning and letting go of expectations. And as we move into a second year with a child, I hope to move forward, both with embracing parenthood and balancing a career. (Or balancing parenthood and embracing a career?)
I have been knitting seriously since about 2002, when I finished grad school and my mother mailed me her extra knitting needles. I was living near Downtown Yarns and I passed the store window at least once a week on my way here and there. I needed a hat, so I made one. And then I made another. And I started making them for all of my friends and relatives. And then I discovered patterns, and knitting books. And Knitty.com. And then there were knitting blogs and more patterns, and there just seemed to be inspiration everywhere. And then there was Ravelry and I just went crazy knitting and knitting and knitting.
And then I got pregnant. Which was a great thing. It was something we really wanted, and I had anticipated making tons of baby things, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was tired, grumpy, anxious. I made a blanket and some hats, but the whole thing was really half-hearted. I really had to force myself to make those things.
The lack of creative interest continued to some extent after Eamon was born. I sort of figured I had grown out of knitting, that the baby was taking my energy and that I had just entered a new chapter of my life, but BEHOLD! That is not true! It is back! Suddenly I can't stop making things, or think about making things. I'm having fun again with my hands.
I had a meeting recently with a theater director, a woman I met about a year ago who has a baby 5 months older than Eamon. She and I are working on a project together, and I mentioned my lack of creative mojo. Or rather, I mentioned that I was feeling much more motivated to create than I had in a long time. And she said that she had a theory that this was related to hormones, and to babies starting solids and therefore nursing less. And since my body is less about providing for the baby, it is allowing me to start thinking about things that are non-baby. If that makes any sense.
All of this brings me to a few things I knitted in August, as the mojo was returning.
A very popular pattern on Ravelry and something I have been wanting to make for a very long time. I finally started it when we were in Maine in late July. I am determined to use just stash yarn (still) and so I used some Knit Picks Palette that I've had lying around. The lavender is Koigu.
This was a great pattern. Unfortunately I made it too small and it doesn't fit Eamon. I can't remember what I did, but I will try to make it again in a larger gauge yarn.
Another great pattern, easy and quick. I used some more of the Palette since I thought it would be nice if these matched. Again, they were too small for Eamon. He thought it was great fun to try them on though, and after I took them off he put one of them back near his foot. I think he was trying to put it back on, but he doesn't know how.
I ended up giving both of these to a friend at her baby shower. I'm sure she can use them this winter, and hopefully she doesn't have issues with wool and babies.
In any case, I hope to have more to share with you all again soon. The main issue is getting onto the computer and finding the mental space to blog, hopefully more than once a month. Stay tuned.
I've now been a mother for a little over five months.
It went so quickly. They aren't lying when they say that children grow up so fast. At Eamon's 4 month appointment in June, he had doubled his birth weight and grown 6 inches. Imagine growing 6 inches in 4 months! That's just insane!
Every week, every day is different. Suddenly he'll add a new habit (like nosediving into my chest when he's hungry) and he acts like he has been doing it forever. This week Eamon is working very hard to learn to sit up, and he seems to be in the midst of cutting his first tooth. He is also obsessed with standing up, with support, of course.
Unfortunately, my attention span has been a casualty of parenthood (though hopefully a temporary one). This means that I am no longer able to mull over what sort of blog post I want to write in advance. (I do mull, I just forget my idea within about 30 seconds of thinking of it.) Also, about 90% of what I think about is related to Eamon, and I feel like I don't want this blog to turn into a "look how cute my baby is" blog. (Though I do think some readers might not mind that. Hi mom.)
So... I guess I'll just keep going. This blog has never been about much in particular anyway. And maybe I'll just try blogging a little more often, it just might have a little less substance.
tractor toy.
